Joke of the Day

What happened when Canada got rid of the penny?

Canadians became *penniless*

How dare you say I'm dumb! Would a dummy get a 'A' on there IQ test?

Hmm

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the man fall in love with the banana whilst on a London attraction?

Because it was a-peeling on the Eye.

What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive?

Sad Dan

What did one strand of yarn say to the other?

I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up. "Ball up..."

Why couldn't Jango wear Boba's helmet?

It didn't Fett.

What do you do when you see a floating T.V. in the middle of the night?

Tell Jamal to drop it

Why do orphans like tennis?

Only place they can get love

Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

He was mini cooped up for to long.

What does Batman do with all his spare money?

He makes it wayne

Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?

Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How did Micro-soft get it's name?

Because Bill Gates has a 3.5 inch floppy

How can that be?

I am an adult, I have adult knees."

What's the code name for a nitrogen molecule?

Double 07.

How many feminists does it takes to change a lightbulb?

One. ###And it's NOT funny!!!

What's Harry Potter's favorite way of getting down a hill?

Walking JK, Rolling.

Why did the Earth suddenly enter a manic episode then go back to a depressive episode?

Because it's bipolar.

What do you call coffee on the floor?

Ground Coffee.

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer?

Fixed* deleted

How about a game?

You provide a random set up and we provide the punchline (PTP ). Most upvoted wins imaginary internet points.

What kind of tea does water make?

Humiditea.

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A lip reader

How do you get 1000 dead babies into the bed of a pickup truck?

A blender! How do you get them out? Nacho chips!

Why do women prefer old gynecologists?

Their shaky hands!

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity?

Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

What do you call a gangster with no limbs?

A crip

How do you know when someone is a single mother?

Don't worry! They will tell you!

Why did Tiger Woods get divorced?

Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!

What do you call a person who likes white rice, and not brown rice?

A ricest.

Why have all the immigrants left?

They had no rights.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

Where do Chinese people find work?

On ChinkedIn of course. (I know the pun is racist but I had to share. Sorry.)

What does an IT guys use for birth control?

His personality.

Why did the hipster burn his fingers?

because he changed the light bulb before it was cool

What's a good example that oil is a bad lubricant?

Middle East

What do you call a Rastafarian Police Officer?

Jamaican Bacon...

Why does a priest never get married?

Because they got nun to love them

Bounty Jokes More Bounty Jokes

What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels?

nothing they were tearable.

What do you call a middle eastern man with a bounty on his head?

A towel head.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What did one casket say to the other?

Is that you coffin?

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

Okc Jokes More Okc Jokes

Why isn't Bernie Sanders campaigning in OKC?

They're both eliminated and finished second in their conference.

Where is the best vision in Oklahoma?

OKC.

Annoying Jokes More Annoying Jokes

What is the most annoying part of boiling vegetables?

Finding a pot big enough for the wheelchair.

What's the only thing more annoying than a pushy vegan?

When redditors won't shut up about how annoying one is.

Woodpecker Jokes More Woodpecker Jokes

Why is morning wood full of holes?

Because the woodpecker.

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ?

A headbanger !

Dry Eye Jokes More Dry Eye Jokes

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water ...

What do you use when you have dry eyes?

Moist-your-eyes-er

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

Vice President Jokes More Vice President Jokes

What happens when the President dies?

The Vice President takes over. What happens when the Vice President dies? The Speaker of the House takes over. What happens when the Speaker of the House dies? You go to Radio Shack and buy a new speaker.

Why is the vice president always so self-obsessed?

Because he lives at the navel observatory