Joke of the Day

Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics ?

Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.

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Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

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What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

Hide-and-go-seek winner from last year.

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quicksand?

Quatro cinqo.

What's the slowest thing in the world?

A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

What do you get if your Kia is stolen in Finland?

No Kia

How many psychiatrists does it... ...take to change a light bulb?

0, the light bulb has to want to change itself.

How did the lesbian couple build their house?

Tongue and groove.

How does an atom with bad grammar respond to an order?

I on it.

What do you call a Satanist dancer?

A ba'al-erina.

What do you call a Canadian in a blizzard?

Cold.

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What do you call a terrorist holding an AK47 to your head?

Sir.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday!

What did the conceited man say while he stood on the north pole?

The earth revolves around me.

What did the frozen scientist say?

It's fine, I'm 0K"

Why did the pancake cross the road?

His friends egged him on

How is Bernie going to pay for free college for everyone?

No problem! He'll just make Mexico pay for it!

Why can't Ray Charles see his friends?

A: Because he's married.

What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill?

Walking...JK, Rolling!

What's an STD's favorite kind of pizza?

Heperoni

What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck?

A good days hunting.

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How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?

Flipper coin!

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park your car, man.

What do you call a bearded gardener?

Hairy Potter

Why are black people so good at sports?

Hard work and dedication.

Which one!?

I mean let me see your license

How many Broncos does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.

Why Beyonce?

Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? - Because black people have no rights...

What do you have when you have two small, green balls in your hand?

Kermit's undivided

Why don't Amish people water ski?

Because their horses would drown.

What do a Redneck divorcee and a Tornado have in common?

either way, you're gonna lose your trailer...

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What is the empire's favorite kind of font?

Sans Scarif

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because it had nobody to go with.

What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common?

they've both had a Downey Jr. inside them.

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?

A functioning alcoholic.

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

What country is the most fragile?

China!

Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?

Because it's the future

How can you call someone and sound fabulous?

Use a homophone.

Black Bird Jokes More Black Bird Jokes

What do black birds pick?

CAAAAAAAH-tin...

Where can you go to pick up black birds?

The crow bar

Egyptian Crocodile Jokes More Egyptian Crocodile Jokes

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida?

In da-Nile

Disneyland Jokes More Disneyland Jokes

Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads?

They're always cutting lines

Spade Jokes More Spade Jokes

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.

Pollyanna Jokes More Pollyanna Jokes

What are a parrot's favourite literary characters?

Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!

How many Pollyanna's does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's too dark.

Punjab Jokes More Punjab Jokes

What do you call a hurtful play on words?

A Punjab.

What's the best way to get a Punjab in India?

Hire a cunning linguist.

Genesis Jokes More Genesis Jokes

What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?

Land of Cold-Fusion".

What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament?

Genesis 3.

Horcrux Jokes More Horcrux Jokes

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

Why couldn't Ron Weasley make a Horcrux?

Because you need a soul for that.