How do you tell the difference between a terrorist and a tenured professor?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

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How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit.

What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?