Ownership Jokes

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)