The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)
cried Baby Bear.
A "no one will ever believe me".
She's afraid of heights.
Leeches and scream.
And the bartender says, I don't know, but I've heard he's a shady character!
Anything you want. He can't hear a thing.
4yo:.. Me:.. 4yo: I don't remember. Me: Well played..
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.
Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.
Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..
Because he got a hole in one!
Nice to meet you. Wanna make a baby?
A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
They have no idea what 12 inches actually looks like. I for some reason could not find a way to phrase this any better. Credit to my coworker.
Nothing.
My newt.
