What did the rich bald man want before he died?

Heairs.

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Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff?

Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.

Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket?

He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin.

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How now! a rat?

stabs curtain* LORD POLONIUS: O, I am slain! This is the w'rst game of hideth and seeketh ev'r *dies*

Why was Jesus in such good shape when he died?

He was Cross-Fit.