What do conspiracy nuts do to fall asleep?

They count sheeple.

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Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?

A: They got married in the spring.

Why doesn't Jesus like M&M's?

Because they fall through his hands.

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What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head?

Down for the count!

How many children did Josh Duggar molest?

19 kids and counting. Too soon? :/