What pen company did Lance Armstrong buy?

Uniball

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How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder?

Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends.

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

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What Happened when the girl sat on Lance Armstrong's lap?

She had a ball

What do the Patriots and Lance Armstrong have in common?

They only have one good ball.