Which day is the most agreeable?

Yesterday

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Why don't they play poker in the savanna?

because there are too many cheetahs. Thank you i will be here all day.

Whats a dentists favorite time of day?

The time of day he get into his BMW to go home from the dentists office after touching mouths all day

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What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

Get off my nuts!" (ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

Why did you call off yesterday?

Me: You said I should do what's best for the company. Boss.... Me: I'll take that promotion now.