Why do the undead read cringe stories?

Because they're already... DEAD INSIDE.

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What happened to the performer who read poetry to terminally ill patients?

He suffered an elegiac reaction.

What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?

This is the most violent thing I've ever read.

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What Social Media site do the undead use?

Tomblr.

Why are the undead so angry all the time?

They have mummy issues.