How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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Why can't you tell a Philosophy Student a good joke?

You need to give a three hour lecture and turn in a research paper on "What is 'good' " first.

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

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Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

Does it matter