What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!"

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Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What's the sound of a one-handed corpse clapping?

Dead silence. What's the sound of a one-handed zombie clapping? Undead silence. Thanks to my gaming group for those.

What's loud and sounds like "apples"?

APPLES!!!*

Carpenter Jokes More Carpenter Jokes

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.