What did you do before you were married sir?

A: *with teary eyes* whatever the hell i wanted to do ...

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How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend?

Host: What's your friend's name Me: Wikipedia.

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Where're we going?

Who the hell did I just drop off at school !

What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ?

A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !