What do you call a clock tower somebody lives in?

A timely manor.

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Why are birthdays good for you?

Statistics show: those who have the most, live the longest.

Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.

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What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.