What do you call an investment banker who's always watching you?

A stocker.

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What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon?

ARE YE READY KIDS !

Why did the German watchmaker say to the watch that kept saying "Tick, tick, tick, tick,..."?

Ve haff vays of meking you tock."

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Why did the investment bankers start dating?

Compound interest

Why did the investment banker leave her husband?

She was losing interest.