What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

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What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

What did the necrophile say when his girlfriend told him to be more romantic?

You're dead to me."

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How many have you derailed this year?

I replied, "I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track"

What's Irish and stays on your back porch all year?

Patty O'Furniture

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What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve?

Social Security.

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!