What is wrong with me?

Asking for a friend..

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How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

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What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap?

You did that on porpoise

Why did the mushroom have so many friends?

He was a fungi.