What kind of poker do stoner cows play?

High Steaks

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What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

Your wife back, your dog back, your house back...

What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing?

Possum: Oh yeah

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Why are orphans bad at poker?

Because they don't know what a full house is

Why are people afraid to play poker in Africa?

Too many Cheetahs.

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What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

a salad-manager

What kind of STD does a blonde woman give you?

Herp-n-derp-es