Why can't there be some sort of mathematic formula for making friends?

A squadratic formula, if you will.

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What do french fries and friends have in common?

They both die if you chop them

What do they call a dog in Iraq?

A Shia pet. *friend of mine came up with this and was pretty proud of himself

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When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Why was the programmer unhappy at his job?

He wanted arrays. It had to be reiterated several times before it was sorted out.