Why did Santa divorce Mrs Clause?

because he only came once a year

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What did the horse say to Santa?

Nothing, horses can not speak.

What does Santa do to dragons?

He "sleighs" them.

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What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

What else did Lochte say after the truth came out?

This did not go swimmingly at all