How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?

They gave her a basketball and told her to read.

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How can a black woman tell if she's pregnant?

When she takes out the tampon the cotton is already picked

How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted?

He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

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How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan v Juan

Why doesn't Gabe Newell play basketball?

Because he can't make 3's

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Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself?

He was already suspended.

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?

By leaving a plunger in the toilet