How does Dracula like to have his food served?

In bite-sized pieces.

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Why don't I like trees?

They look kinda shady to me

What do pirates like to wear during the winter?

Scarves

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What do you call a pink slip served inside a bag of coffee?

Grounds for termination.

Why don't golf courses ever serve sandwiches?

They always turn out to be sub par.

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Where does the CIA buy its groceries?

Whole Foods

Whole Foods ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what?

ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods

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What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.

Why didn't Count Dracula get married?

He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.