What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree?

I freed the what?"

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What time of day are you not able to find your watch?

4:04

Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

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What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge?

Wait I freed ?!?!?"

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

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Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do?

Slit the writ of habeas corpus.