What time of day are you not able to find your watch?

4:04

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Where would you find an Egyptian psychopathic swimmer?

In denial.

How many Norwegians does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't bother, you can find lutfisk in the dark.

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How are Americans and poles similar?

Running into one could really ruin your day.

How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hella. How long does it take them Days.

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When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Who are the fastest readers of all time?

9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 15 seconds

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What's a sailor's favorite thing to watch at sunset?

Knot movies

Why don't you buy your wife a watch?

There's already a clock on the stove