What did the physicist say to the depressed hippy?

There's no such thing as negative energy"

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Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

What's the last thing you want to hear when blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson"

Physicist Jokes More Physicist Jokes

Why do physicists have such a hard time figuring out why their experiments fail Monday through Thursday?

Causal fridays.

Why couldn't the physicist get the Standard Model to work?

Because it wouldn't commute!