What do Ryan Giggs and Imogen Thomas have in common?

I'm not allowed to tell you

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Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

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What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?

If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!