What do you call a hipster with a vasectomy?

A Fixie.

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How did the hipster make it to the front page?

He did it before it was cool

Why did the hipster decide to drown himself in the tributary?

He didn't want to be mainstream.

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Why was the topologist confident about performing a vasectomy?

Because open balls are in his neighborhood

What do you want to have next?

Me: a vasectomy