What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Shut the door im dressing

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Why is grandpa running daddy?

Shut up son, and give me another shell.

What do you call a conservative toothbrush that won't shut up?

Brush Limbaugh

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What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?

Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back if my girlfriend's throat at 60 miles per hour.

What do you get when you combine mayonnaise and bologne?

Bolognese sauce