What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?

He had him newt-ered.

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What happened to the man with a legal fetish when he went to court for his parking ticket?

He got off on a technicality

What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

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What do ya call it when a lizard goes completely limp?

A reptile-dysfunction.

What did the doctor say to the lizard who was complaining about problems performing in the bedroom?

It sounds like you have a reptile dysfunction.