What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A. Turn right and go straight.

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I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on ‘high’

I couldn’t turn it down.

How do you win a late night argument with your deaf wife?

You turn off the lights.

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Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.

Why is Yahtzee better than the Bahamas?

Because it's more than a paradise.

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What is the best way to talk to a vampire?

By long distance.

Whats the best way to stop a runaway horse?

Bet on it.