What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face.

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How many perverts does it take to insert a light bulb?

Only one; However, it takes an entire emergency ward to get it back out again.

What's four inches long and drives women crazy?

A 100 dollar bill you pervert!

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What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex