What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face.

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How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb?

One. But it takes the whole emergency room to remove it.

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one, but... It takes the entire ER department to get it back out.

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Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change