00 Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a green lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a green lentil on my face.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

A pervert wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on his face.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween?

Happy halloweenie

What do you get when you put your hand in a blender?

A hand shake.

911 Jokes More 911 Jokes

What's your emergency, sir?

Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*

What is something that you never forget on a field trip?

9/11.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

Why don't you go down on a girl in the morning?

Have you ever tried to split a grilled cheese

Crowd Jokes More Crowd Jokes

What did the crowd say when I finished my country name puns?

East Timor

How can you recognise a blind man among a crowd of nudists?

It's not hard...

Good Time Jokes More Good Time Jokes

What's the best time to buy a bird?

When it goes cheep!

Where do turkeys go to have a good time?

The Turkey Club

Evening Jokes More Evening Jokes

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

Spud Lover Jokes More Spud Lover Jokes

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?

A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

Why did the kidnapped clock always read 12:00?

His hands were tied.

What did the hat say to the tie?

You hang around. I'll go on a head.