What's a metaphor?

Winning the game tournament!

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Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?

Parkinson's

What's your best mattress joke?

Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)

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When is a 2 literally a 6?

When it has metaphor.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.