What's black and looks good on a lawyer?

An unconvicted felon.

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Who me?

Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.

What happened out there?

I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either

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What did I tell you about telling the truth?

5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.

What did the lawyer say to the sovereign citizen when asked for legal counsel?

Am I being retained ** **Am I being retained **