Look Jokes

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?

When there's a tampon behind her ear and she's looking for her pencil.

What looks like half an apple?

The other half

What is worse, balancing on a 100meter high rope or getting a BJ from a man?

Its both not that bad, you just shouldnt look down.

What's the biggest joke of 2016?

Look a bit to the right.

Why did the storm trooper return his iPhone?

Because it wasn't the droid he was looking for!

Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list?

You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

What do you call 'looking for a Korean'?

Seoul searching

How do you get a fire started?

You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting...

Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Why doesn't a sociologist look out the window in the morning?

Because then they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

What do you call a water fowl looking in a window?

Peking duck. (it came to mind over dinner... I thought I would share the pain with everyone)

What does it mean if a dude looks down and sees four balls instead of two?

He needs to be very careful, because he may be getting screwed.

What's the best part about showering with an eight year old girl?

Slicking her hair back and making her look like a six year old boy.

What did the amputee say to his mom when he learned to ride a bike?

Look ma, no hands!

What's the difference between an extroverted mathematician and an introverted mathematician?

The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.

What's a homotron?

Just an electron that goes around looking for a fuse to blow!

How do you know a white person is about to tell a joke?

He's looking over his shoulder

What's black, blue and doesn't look too well?

Stevie Wonder

What makes fish smell?

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn't find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, "She's down at the Ocean, taking a bath." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell."

Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?

Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!

Why is a horny walrus the same as a Tupperware enthusiast?

They're both looking for a tight seal

This joke may have profanity.

What did one sheep say to the other?

Hey look, we have the same IPhone case

What do earth scientists look at on their lunch breaks?

Cleavage.

What do you call a good looking girl in Wisconsin?

A Tourist!

Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?

He was taking a look around

What did C: drive say to D: drive?

Wow you looked shocked.

What do you call a masochist looking for a hookup?

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

How long does it take a group of Mexicans to build a building?

Oh look, they're done.

What did the other traffic light say to the other traffic light?

Don't look! I'm changing!

What do Germans look at on the internet?

Danke memes

Why did Tigger look down the toilet?

To find Pooh!

Why do a lot of tech recruiters have herpes?

Because they look for contributors to open sores.

Why do priests wear underwear in the shower?

They don't like to look down on the unemployed

Why are you late?

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Haloumi!

Where Did it go?

Where did that list of dark jokes posted this morning go? Iv looked everywhere.

What do you call a clean, good looking well behaved monster?

a failure!

What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.

What Color Is It?

In case you hadn't noticed, the color of the wind is 'blew.' Water always looks 'wet' to me. Dirt is oviously 'dirty.' Soup seems 'soupy.' If you can't find those Crayons in your box, contact CRAYOLA.

How many times can look at the sun with a telescope?

You can do this twice. One time with you right eye and one with your left!

Why couldn't the anthropologist find any Lomekwian tools?

They were looking in Oldowan places

How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?

They look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

What do you get when cross-eyed and looking at a solar eclipse?

A solar ellipses...

What do you call a good looking Lebanese man?

Azif

What do a walrus and a zip-lock bag have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

Why did the man build his house out of a tree instead of bricks?

Because he thought it wood look better!

Why do Irishmen grow mustaches?

So they look like their mothers

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!

Why was Cloud trying to cheer up Sky?

He looked a little blue

What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-Spot?

A man will spend half an hour looking for a golf ball.

This joke may have profanity.

Why was Jesus not Mexican?

No matter how hard God looked, he could not find three wise men or a virgin anywhere in Mexico

What looks like red paint but is dry?

Dried red paint

What do you call a rooster looking at a vegetable patch?

Chicken Caesar Salad

Why is that Bono still hasn't found what he's looking for?

Because he's always standing by The Edge.

How did voldemort look like when he was hiding in albania?

Pretty gaunt

What did Tarzan say when he saw a heard of elephants?

Oh look! A heard of elephants.

What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

a flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

What are the similarities between a donkey and a Sikh?

They both look incredibly cute when they are little. They both grow up and go into the transportation business. Note: sikhs - or sardarji as they are commonly known in india - are the largest ethnic group in the truck driver profession. Punjabi food is available on highways across the country.

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