When does a dog go "moo" ?

When it is learning a new language !

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Why did the dog scratch itself against the tree?

Ruff Bark

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

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What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?

That people exaggerate.

What's the difference between a refugee and E.T?

E.T learned English and wanted to go home.