When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

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What do you call people who use the pull-out method?

Mom and Dad.

What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

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Why didn't the man go under the boardwalk?

He doesn't like giving in to pier pressure.

What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?

Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.

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Whatever's the matter ?

asked her mother. 'I don't know' replied Mary 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'

How do you reply when someone on /r/askscience asks you on a date?

deleted