Who are you and how do you get the time and money?

Teach me.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How many times does 1 go into 0?

As Many Times As It Wants!

What did russian judge say to the jury?

I better stop Stalin for time and Putin a little more effort.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

How do you make the hippie run out of money?

You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap.

Where's the safest place to hide money from a man?

Under the soap

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

Use the forks Luke.

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?

You should know more than your dog.