Why did the man lost in the woods catch fire?

He was heading west.

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Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

How much do you think I will be losing with this?

Pharmacist replies: Well ... around 200 bucks.

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What do you call a man who can't stand?

Neal

Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

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What do get if you cross a parrot and a crocodile?

A: An animal that talks your head off.

Why do politicians wear neckties?

To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.