How do you save a suicidal procrastinator?

Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow.

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How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

Nun chucks.

Why is it worse this time around?

Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof.

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How can a blind person tell if they're home?

They check the architexture.

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

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What did you learn in school today?

Not enough I have to go back tomorrow!

What's a procrastinator's favorite punchline?

I'll tell you tomorrow

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Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a hair cut?

A barbecue