How does an Australian shave?

Rise up lights

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How does a blonde turn the lights on in the morning?

A: She opens the car door.

What do Australian emos use to cut their wrists?

Rise up lights

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What do you call it when a black guy gets a hard on?

The Dark Knight Rises

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

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What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

How do Australian bees please the queen bee?

They bee hive