How much credibility is there in that whole "you can punch yourself handsome" theory?

Asking for a friend.

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How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

What would Fred Flintstone say if you asked him which city had the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world?

Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!

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How did the turtle call his friends?

on his shellphone

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

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How do you break a Polish man's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

What did the neckbeard say when he was punched in the throat?

M'Larynx