What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

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What starts with "p," ends with "s," and is really long?

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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How do they cook a turkey in Russia?

They nuke it. OR In Soviet Russia, Turkey fires you!

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

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What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria?

Dead parents

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How do they cook a turkey in Russia?

They nuke it. OR In Soviet Russia, Turkey fires you!

Why did the nuke switch course?

Because a girl on the ground said "I have a boyfriend" later that day the nuke fell into depression