What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

What's on at the cinema?

Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.

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What's good for the soul and rarely found in America?

A sense of humor.

Where are most fish found ?

Between the head and the tail !