What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Why did my wife cross the road?

To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it?

An envelope!

Why would a Catholic priest start practicing at a prison?

He ran out of little boys

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did the guitarist leave his guitar on the ground?

It didn't have any pickups

How'd you leave her?

Dead by the side of the road..."

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.

How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest?

She was the beast of the show!

Pack Jokes More Pack Jokes

Who's there ! Adelia ! Adelia who ?

Adelia the cards after you cut the pack !

What can I bring to your party?

Friend: A six pack. does 10 crunches cancels

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What do you call a women who always knows where her husband is?

A widow

What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?

You'll never be president, Jeb.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What's mostly red and has 2 legs?

Half of a cat.

Lottery Jokes More Lottery Jokes

Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery?

To win dough.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.