What do women and pine trees have in common?

Every time you try to get on one, they ruin it by getting sappy.

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Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

What did the kid say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while trying to catch him?

Nana boo boo

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What do you use when you are drowning in women?

A flirtation device.

What do you call a woman with only one leg?

Eileen.

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How are black people similar to tornadoes?

They both only take one to ruin a neighborhood.

What's an archaeologist?

Someone whose career is in ruins.

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Which trees miss you the most?

Pine trees

What does a lawyer, a pine tree, and a hydrogen atom have in common?

Absolutely nothing.