What do you call a guy who likes touching unripened cheese?

A fetaphile

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Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing?

Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!

How does Jesus like his hotwings?

Tinder and Mild.

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What do you call a guy who plays the guitar unplugged?

An amputee

How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose. :/

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What will never be read in braille?

Do not touch.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies?

Disney movies can still touch children.