How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

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Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys everyone a drink?

The fun guy

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What car is so cheap that anyone could purchase it?

A Ford.

What does Harry Potter say after he purchases slaves?

I expect to Potter-own 'em.

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How many potatoes does it take to starve an Irish man?

None

What do Irish feminists call men?

O'Pressors

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What did Charles Darwin name his book about food?

On the Origin of Feces*

What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?

The food!

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Why do new Irish mothers keep dying?

Because they lack taters

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater