What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

To keep their pants up.

Why wouldn't the man dance?

His pants had no ballroom.

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

How do you convey body language?

With your figure of speech

Why was the schwa bad at giving speeches?

He said "uhh" way too much.