What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

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Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?

A: Because Donald ducked.

Why are drug addicts bad at billiards?

Because they only pay to shoot up the eight ball

Casino Jokes More Casino Jokes

Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?

Because they, like, can't even deal.

Why doesn't china have casinos?

Because they hate Tibet.

Blast Jokes More Blast Jokes

What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?

He blasts off:

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?

Because they've just had a big launch.

Shotgun Jokes More Shotgun Jokes

What sound does a shotgun make?

Cobain Cobain

Why can't melons have shotgun weddings?

They cantaloupe

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

Weekend Jokes More Weekend Jokes

What do you get when you cross reddit and a weekend?

No new messages.

Where do Muslims go on a weekend?

To Mecca Bingo.

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

Why can't Jesus play Football?

He has flashbacks every time he looks at the goal

What were you doing?

flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."