Speech Jokes

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

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What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech? Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

How do you convey body language?

With your figure of speech

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

Why was the schwa bad at giving speeches?

He said "uhh" way too much.

What does E.T. stand for?

Freedom of speech

Why is Reddit the best place for freedom of speech?

removed

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Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What is skeleton?

Interviewer:what is skeleton? Sardar:Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

What is something that you never forget on a field trip?

9/11.

Physics Professor Jokes More Physics Professor Jokes

What did the physics professor shout when he disproved Hooke's Law in early to mid March?

Spring break!

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech? Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

Impair Jokes More Impair Jokes

What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people?

Horizontal blinds.

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why wouldn't the man dance?

His pants had no ballroom.

What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?

She peed her pants (read out loud)

Understand Jokes More Understand Jokes

Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth?

He didn't understand Flossophy!

What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

Comic Jokes More Comic Jokes

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?

Wait for him to give it back.

Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.

Trigonometry Teacher Jokes More Trigonometry Teacher Jokes

How does a Trigonometry teacher appreciate his girlfriend?

Oh baby, you are so (1/cos C)" !!!

Why can't trigonometry teachers give good speeches?

They go off onto different tangents.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?

He got fired.

What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it?

H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.